Joy comes in as a result of achieving a certain inner human desires but achieving one is always a hard target to come by when it comes to satisfying Man’s insatiable desires.
The whole world of man is full of sadness except when man personally creates Joy for himself out of the numerous unfulfilled desires.
The questions is how long will you continuing to dwell in the agony of man’s unfulfilled ambition and desires and why not turned the little you can out of the many available undesirables into desirables and see for yourself whether you will not achieve a certain level of your ever eluded inner peace and joy?
Why Do We Experience Happiness and Unhappiness?
“Most of our unhappiness is about the meaning we assign an experience”. – Zen the renowned Hindu philosopher.
However, whether we agreed with Zen on his philosophical point of view that happiness and unhappiness are controlled intentionally by meaning we assigned to experiences or not we are oblige to agree with life fact that life is full of unexpected shocks and uncertainties.
Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance between a sense of living with the things we can’t control and the reality that most of us experience. Many joyful moments sprinkled in throughout the day and in no distant moment those feelings fizzled away with sadness.
At some point, everyone deals with some uncertainty that feels consuming. Some people are taking care of aging parents, some are job hunting, some are in roller-coaster relationships, and some are dealing with their own health issues. I will be missed if I do not acknowledge the fact that many Nigerians feel uneasy with how our leaders who are privileged to govern us are governing us with a fist hand which often cumulate into miss feelings and uncertainty in general scale of thing.
The secret of not allowing unhappiness to define us does not come from the meaning we assign it but from not allowing our unhappiness to define us or consume us is what define who we are as a person.
You can assign an unhappy experience any meaning you want. After all you are the one that make that assignment, you then have to decide if that’s your stopping point in which the experience now define you, or your growing point where the experience becomes something that improves you.
In our world of all or nothing, perhaps we tend to forget that the real secret to happiness is realizing we are not supposed to be happy all of the time. Perhaps it is not about assigning meaning to our unhappiness that defines us, but instead, understanding that our unhappy or sad moments teach us to value our happy moments.
WHY PAIN IS A HEALING PROCESS TO JOYOUSNESS
Joyousness is often overrated. Allowing oneself to totally pass through the pains of the pupa to become a butterfly is rather much rewarding in the long run of life than you might have ever imagined.
There you are laying on the sofa with one hand in a bag of crisps and the other holding your phone or curding round your loved one, browsing social media and being confronted with friends scoring dream jobs, creating perfect families and sunning yourselves on beaches can create the impression that you are in an unending state of euphoria. You might as well be misled to think that is all life there is but in just a moment later there is life reality that awaits you.
Moreover, constant joyousness is not only overrated but it’s totally unachievable.
Expecting to be constantly happy is harmful. Says Gina Clarke, a psychotherapist at Click for Therapy . “Everybody’s mood fluctuates, we all have ups and downs and a widen range of emotions,” she says, pointing towards the kids movie Inside Out as an analogy.
“If we expect to be constantly happy, then we judge that to feel any other emotion is wrong and therefore we internalise that we are bad if we feel sad, angry, frustrated, and so on, when in actual fact in order to feel happy, to process the difficult stuff that happens, we need to accept other emotions.”
And if, as studies suggest, half of workers in the UK would rather be in a different job; some 60 per cent of people report being in an unhappy relationship; and social media is making us unsatisfied, it’s unlikely that everyone around you is as happy as they seem. And you might hope that we’re not all doomed to endure these feelings for the rest of our lives.
The world’s happiest man says one thing is making him unhappy.
So, experiencing sadness or discomforts are part of everyday life else life is not normal. Take athleticism for instance; every second of pain is being invested into a healthier body and better mental health.
“Feeling sad or uncomfortable is similar to standing on a broken leg and feeling pain,” explains Clarke. “When we feel sad or uncomfortable it is our mind’s way of telling us that we are out of balance, that emotionally we are in pain and we need time to heal or correct that discomfort. With a broken leg we ask for help, see a specialist. If we did this when we felt sad or uncomfortable it would help us to process and heal. The first step is acknowledgement and then assessment – do I need to leave the situation, ask for help, talk with a friend or seek for a professional support?”
When feelings of sadness and worthlessness are all-consuming, it is vital to visit a doctor and assess your mental health as these can be symptoms of depression or other serious conditions. Dreading going to work but feeling happy in other aspects of life, or the odd pang of sadness can be a catalyst for trying to unpick what is causing these feelings.
“From what I’ve seen, and I’ve worked with a lot of clients, a valuable key to contentment and or fulfilment is acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves, acceptance of what’s happening in our lives, acceptance of those around us,” says psychotherapist Hilda Burke.
“On the other hand, wishing things were other than what they are is a sure fire way of making ourselves unhappy as it keeps us in a stuck place in our heads where we are imagining how life could be better another way with another partner, in another job and as such we are inevitably missing what is just under our noses and failing to appreciate that good things that are there.”
“This is where self reflection is key,” says Clarke. “If we feel unhappy in the moment we should ask ourselves why, what’s going on, and assess our emotions over time. Some people write it down, some write it in journals for others to similar experiences on it, some talk with others, some just note their feelings.”
“Once you get to the root causes of how you feel, it becomes much easier to change your mood,” chimes Phillip Adcock, psychologist and author of Master Your Brain.
“I recommend playing the why, why, why game. In it, you ask yourself why you feel unhappy, and why is that, and why is that really. Keep going until you get to the root cause of your unhappiness.” Unhappiness might be the thing of the pass and happiness will rule supreme in the long run.
There are times when searching for happiness could be a way to avoid facing serious problems. For example, if you are unhappy because you are in an abusive or life-threatening relationship, it could be a cop-out to focus on moments of happiness.
When some extraordinary people find happiness even under the harshest conditions, it amazes me and I got inspired; really, then I am not alone it is a part of life usual pains that had often been the feelings and for that I always research on the profile of the journey of extraordinary people to get myself inspired and to feel strong for myself on going forward no matter how stormy the weather might seems.
Fame Agidife, A Community Developer, Founder, Famepidia.